Well…I’m trying to focus on writing what I need to tomorrow, but hopefully this exercise will allow me to focus my thoughts in the right direction. I used an amended selection from Blue Lines to try to get this point across.
Edited and adjusted Excerpt:
When Blue returned from his class, Key was sitting on his bed wearing a blue and gray with pale yellow trim FUBU dress that he had purchased for her earlier in the year. She stood facing the open window. She turned to him revealing the tears that were running down her face.
“Hi love, are you feeling well,” he queried his crying f*****.
“No,” she answered, “I’m sorry.” Blue looked at her puzzled, but before he could speak she continued. “Blue, I saw your letter and I’m sorry for the pain that I am causing you,” she noticed the incredulous expression that covered his face, “I don’t know what we should do. I am so confused,” she said as she nervously played with the ring on her finger. She looked down at the ring and refused to bring her eyes to his level.
“So am I. I don’t know what to think. Key I love you so much and I don’t understand what is going on with us, but I guess you already know confused I am from what you have read,” he paused, “Key please look at me.”
“I didn’t mean to intrude, but if I knew you were going to…”
“If you knew I was going to what,” he asked very annoyed, “you know that if I have to speak to you about something I am up front. When have I ever hid anything from you? Why would I send you that letter? I was just putting my feelings on paper because I don’t understand the way that you have been acting lately.”
“Blue, what is happening to us?”
“I don’t know love. I don’t know,” he answered and she knew he had no answer.
Key and Blue sat staring at each other with no words to offer to their situation. She was very confused and thought about the second year that they had spent together. Although they grew in love and affection for one another, the second year was marred with the constant arguments…Key stood to leave. Blue rushed to her side to impede her progress. She wanted him to move but could not bring herself to ask him. He lifted her into his arms and stared into her eyes. She saw the sadness in his. He lowered her to the ground and she began to cry again.
Key walked to the door of his bedroom and exited in silence.
“Key, I still love you,” he looked at the floor and paused, “that doesn’t even sound right. I love you like I always will.”
She looked back in response to his statement and could not stop the tears that fell from her eyes. She wiped her eyes with the long sleeves of her knit dress. She was very confused, but her decision to leave him was firm and she chose not to change her stance.
“Blue, I can’t take this anymore. I know that you are leaving and I think that we need to end…”
“What the hell are you talking about love? I am just going to school. After all the nonsense that I’ve had to deal with about this subject since last year, I really don’t feel like listening to your idle threats today. You’re not going anywhere.”
“This shit is over. I guess you don’t know everything. I’m done. The hurting must stop for me.”
“Shit,” he exclaimed uncharacteristically. Key was mildly shocked by his swearing. “Key, there is something wrong with you. What we have is too important to let something insignificant like this…”
“Insignificant? Maybe to you, but I can’t take this anymore. I’m not going to hold you back anymore…I’m leaving.”
Blue stood and looked at the woman he loved. She had never seen him like this, but placed no concern on his feelings.
“I have to go,” Key said as she grabbed her jacket and suddenly walked out of his room.
Blue attempted to approach her and she ran out of his room and onto the green plain of the campus. Blue ran to Key’s side and grabbed her arms as she walked down the empty pathway.
“Where are you going love? Don’t leave me now we can work beyond this.”
“What should I stay? Where is this going? My heart is so full of pain and heartbreak because all I can think of is losing you Blue. Do you know how important you are in my life? I don’t know how to say what I want to. I don’t know what is going on.”
Key continued to walk as they were trying to speak and find a solution to their growing contention.
“Love why are we going on like this,” Blue stopped as she continued to walk, “we need to solve this before it tears us both apart. You’re killing me Key.”
His words halted her progress. She did not want their relationship to reach the point in which it was headed, though simultaneously, she could not give of herself to let him go. She stood at a crossroads not knowing what direction she, let alone they, were headed in. She turned to him crying. She mentally took note that she had been crying a lot as of late. She briefly thought about the time before she met Blue at the beginning of her freshman year there. She questioned why had everything changed so suddenly in her world?
“Key please come back. We need to talk this over. Key I’m not going to let you leave this easily. I love you too much to do that.”
“Blue, what can we talk about?”
“What can we talk about? You are my world and you ask me a question like that,” Blue stared intently into Key’s crying eyes, “are you even thinking before you speak?”
He had no words to offer her at that moment, and she stood oblivious of his attempts. Her mind was still clouded by her longing and her need for him to be a constant physically in her life. She looked into his eyes.
“I just can’t. Blue I can’t, I’m not the one for this.” She retreated back to her room leaving him alone to decipher what had transpired. Key’s walk sped to a brisk gait, and then turned into an uncontrolled run toward her dorm building. She did not want to talk to anyone or think about the reason that her eyes were full of tears. She ran to her room and shut the door.
(addition) We used to soar, but at there came a time that that had to end, in order for my dream to be realized. I’m sorry, and the pain I feel is real, as if I’m abandoning you…but I have to do it.
And no…this didn’t help.
The manuscript Blue Lines is the fictional coming of age narrative of my protagonist a young California woman Key Yemaya Walker, and her 2 year growing journey through school, love, and life. A period piece, written by Kenneth Suffern, Jr., taking place at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill between the years of 1997 – 1998. Loosely based on true events, and experiences during that time, told through the eyes and voice of the main female protagonist, a freshman first attending the school.
Always feel free to give your comments, and/or suggestions. As I can only tag a limited amount of people, if you like this please subscribe to the blog.