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I want to be too…Dave Matthews – “Stay Or Leave”

From Joi Gilliam: love. a beautifully scary thing sometimes. i live for the times when my senses are so full that it feels like i could die from happiness.

Walking through campus, I remember the looks that they gave us. Cold Connecticut afternoon’s…”Hey, you with her? Damn.”

Scene One:
It always seems that one’s life is seen as a case of “the grass is greener.” Was it that for us, no. we were friends who made a mistake and almost jeopardized what our friendship was.

Scene Two:
Dirty looks were given to a boy and girl, who didn’t know what they wanted…well I wanted you, and then…I thought you wanted me. And you probably did, but time, circumstances, and whatever else said no. “Hey so when are you and [her] getting married?” Me: “We’re not together.”

Scene Three:
With an angel, who made one choice, but not others. “I wish we were like you, you have the best m——. I wish we could be as happy as you two.” “Really?”

Scene Four:
Me: “I want to m—- her.” Friend: “Oh, that is great, she deserves you.” Wrong again.

It’s early, but I have learned very much this year, it is just finding out how to use what I’ve learned and taking advantage of those lessons, is the learning part.

What have I learned???
That it is easy to escape when with my nieces Atlanta and Boston.
Being called “Uncle Daddy,” and having my new niece called “niece/daughter,” are cute, but I’m still childless, and I don’t know how that future looks.
Thank goodness for music.
Making choices, I don’t want to make to be an adult, but still wanting to love the person I make those choices about…really stinks.
That void, sucks.
Her being my muse, sucks.
Not believing in her, sucks.
Her proving that wrong, sucks.
Knowing it’s not all about that…learning.
I’m done…

The manuscript Blue Lines is the fictional coming of age narrative of a young California woman Key Yemaya Walker, and her 2 year growing journey through school, love, and life period piece, written by Kenneth Suffern, Jr., taking place at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill between the years of 1997 – 1998. Loosely based on true events, and experiences during that time, told through the eyes and voice of the main female protagonist, a freshman first attending the school.