The rain came down with enough intensity to saturate my adidas polo, but it was needed to cool the steam that was emitting from my body. I can only imagine the mist rising into the damp evening. Simple mistakes, that YOU could’ve made, and I may have smiled or not been worried about, were the same small mistakes that became so frequent, that they reminded me why she and I arrived here. But we’re all here.
The drops ran down my face like tears, although my maddening changes, may make me feel bad, but crying is one of the farthest things from my mind. I agree, that the Men don’t cry farce is just that, but with the amount of loss these last few years, and with certain situations, it’s so much easier to just become ‘comfortably numb.’
My melancholy walk to the car, saddened me because as she was doing the things that ultimately drove me back to YOU. I thought silently about how could I simultaneously be empathetic when YOU needed it, and be angry with her at the same time.
I thought of the words ‘fair,’ ‘just,’ ‘right,’ and ‘deserve.’
This last week has been interesting, eye opening, saddening, maddening, happy…I guess just life. Actually, the last 2 months. Except for one bad decision, I am lucky/fortunate to have be able to experience all of it.
-Interesting to find out my Dad was married, via text.
-Thank God for my cousin.
-My nieces will be the biggest fans of the now defunct Atlanta Thrashers, they have enough gear now to carry on the fight.
-How do people do things to other people that they don’t want done to them?
-I can’t put her on blast (i.e. publicly honest, similar to how I was talked off the ledge of being publicly honest about you, deleted “What I Learned Sundays,” from a few months ago.
-Disappointed how many people feel about stereotypes.
-Was extremely honest this week.
-The truth is a necessary evil, I just wish truth was offered, not discovered.
-Further confirmed my want to be a father and have my child(ren) daughter.
-I hope I can teach my “child” nieces/nephews to avoid my/our mistakes. I NEVER want anyone to feel how I felt.
-I’ve always tried to be considerate, even when things don’t work out, I wish people were the same.
-I made a decision, that I was castigated for. I don’t regret making that decision.
-Im surprised at how BIG and symbolic small decisions are to YOU.
-Muses…make no sense.
-Va$htie Kola is more beautiful in person, I’m glad I didn’t miss out on meeting her. Now…how do I make her my next ex-wife…again, that is a joke.
-One door closed momentarily, therefore I really need the NBA to get their CBA ish together.
-To all my Thrashers Colleagues, my heart is broken after all of the events this week. I am so sorry for what happened to you, and if I can help, let me know.
-To Atlanta, further proof that you SUCK as a sports town, truly suck…people lost jobs because of you, and now you’re not going to support the Hawks, because you’re mad about a team you didn’t support. F you!!!
-I wanted YOU, but you didn’t want me, because YOU wanted him, he doesn’t want you. Why not let me go, (“…if you won’t let me go, I’m just harder to hold…” – Esthero).
-I’m only Option 1, I’m not Option 1B, I’m not Plan B, either I’m first, I’m just not.
-Love sucks, it really does, YOU did break my heart, don’t really want to do this, or feel this again.
-Why do women settle for $h!t sometimes, actions = words. Ever seen, “He Just Not That Into You.”
-Message to self too, “She’s Just Not That Into You.”
-Why don’t your words match your actions?
-Is it bad, she didn’t break my heart?
-Teachers are HOT, sorry this is my random saw Bad Teacher movie quote.
The manuscript Blue Lines is the fictional coming of age narrative of a young California woman Key Yemaya Walker, and her 2 year growing journey through school, love, and life period piece, written by Kenneth Suffern, Jr., taking place at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill between the years of 1997 – 1998. Loosely based on true events, and experiences during that time, told through the eyes and voice of the main female protagonist, a freshman first attending the school.