, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

First off, Happy Birthday, Cuzzo!!!

On the treadmill at half strength, our team doctor, friend, and co-worker tapped me on my shoulder. I, still running at full speed, removed one of my earbuds to listen as he smiled broadly, and, while pointing at ESPN on my treadmill’s screen, pointed and began to tell me about how his 6 year old son was practicing with a golf pro while we were on our road trip with our team. Though we both smile, I looked at him, and knowing that he played with my high school friend, and is a year younger than I am, thought about he and his 6 year old and younger daughter, and myself with no children.

The band Explosion In The Sky’s “A Poor Man’s Memory,” (made famous by the film Friday Night Lights) began to play on my iPod Nano, and I increased the volume as I began to run toward and for something…what, I didn’t know.

I thought of what I have now, the work, the challenges, the good, the bad. I realistically looked at how a child would, or realistically not fit into my life as it currently is, however I had to look at how a child would fit, if they were already here, or as old as 6 years. I looked at how, possibly as everything is playing, it is setting up for that child(ren).

I also thought about the small things that my life can provide, and how my friend, talking of the golf pro, and how I could have a young sports fan child, and the events and players they may have been fans of, that I could have introduced them to. Though not that important in the scheme of things, still my ability to offer.

As a Taurus, a planner as my cousin would say, I think of the fleeting moments between waking and sleep that I “saw” something in my future, not real, to my expectations, not according to my plan, but something that I “want,” and it made me think of all the pros and cons, wants and wishes.

My thoughts also returned to my unpublished What I Learned Sunday post slated for last week, “Echoes, Silence, Patience, And Grace.” I wrote it as I was poised to walk into a week that was as tenuous and as life defining as any, but as I was weary from work, life and simple things that should have been clear and in black and white, but defining as it returned a certain “peace,” that I had been missing for quite some years.

From 9/18/11
Looking back, the realization of what I had learned learned came to me thinking about last evening and day.

Sitting watching my girl’s on the Atlanta Dream, move past the 1st round again, and waiting on confirmation of tickets to the Eagles / Falcons Sunday Night game, that slowly dissolved, I realized how calm, and even I was and disappointment and anger never entered my mind. Luckily I ran into a great friend who coincidentally was holding his extra ticket for me. In the end, it worked out for me, however if my route took me back home, I was fine.

This patience was something I needed, and kind of found my way to earlier this week. At a time, that I really needed someone to be who they needed to be, revelations of their childish actions threatened, and still probably threaten to derail, but I was able to ease myself.

What I Learned:

It’s never as dark as you think it is, it gets better everyday, I hope. Thank you for listening.

Unless I want you to touch me, PLEASE don’t put you hands on me. SERIOUSLY, I’ll Bro-hug, if I haven’t seen you in some time, yeah. We’re together, yes. BUT, Don’t touch me when it’s unwarranted. Scared about my ultimate goals…fans. I’ve hugged my favorite singer multiple times, lol.

Decide who you are, what you want to be, and who you want to be it with. If you match, work it, if not, let it go.

Remember the past, live in the now, and prepare for the future.

Life is not what we thought it would be, but it is never that bad.

It is funny how, when you need some(thing/one) the stage clears and they are left alone to either succeed or fail. Everyone else disappeared at the right time, and that is not a bad thing.

Thank you.

I have seen two similar events today, and of that I am not envious, however, I know I looked upon something I want.

I still have it, lol…yes I do!!!

The manuscript Blue Lines is the fictional coming of age narrative of a young California woman Key Yemaya Walker, and her 2 year growing journey through school, love, and life period piece, written by Kenneth Suffern, Jr., taking place at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill between the years of 1997 – 1998. Loosely based on true events, and experiences during that time, told through the eyes and voice of the main female protagonist, a freshman first attending the school.