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My goodbye

♫…I miss him, long as I’m livin he’s livin through memories…I think I’m touched, this whole verse I been talkin to your spirit, a little too much…♫ ~ Jay-Z “Regrets”

“Hey man, you ok?”

I’m doing something I never had the chance to do. This evening your memory just hit like a ton of bricks. Those were the last words you sent to me, but I wanted to deal with “me,” I knew I would see you once I was done. Well, that’s taking things for granted, when I could have easily said, “I’m ok.” Now I’ll never have the chance to say goodbye to you, cheer the Giants with you again, or go to that Super Bowl we were talking about. I guess all of us miss you Bill, and your memory lives on in all of us, but still this hurts so much. And in stating these things, there is still the selfish “what I’ve lost.”

We often let the “us” get in the way, and though I’ve been fortunate, I lost you my friend. I could have calmed you worry and nerves, but no. Deal with me? I shake my head regarding that. There is a hole that will be left here, and unspoken words that now only fall on deaf ears.

I remember the shock of finding out you not being here through just in passing, it was such a shock I couldn’t process it, and hearing it through someone that met you through me. Friends? What kind of friend was I. Maybe I’m hard on myself, maybe I’m not. But I do remember the great times, Giants, GA Tech, even running into you at my favorite seafood resto.

I do miss you my friend, a pure example of quality vs quantity of a friendship. We’ll still be cheering together. This helps a little, but the pain can still be raw. Thanks for listening Bill Zaradich.



The manuscript Blue Lines is the fictional coming of age narrative of a young California woman Key Yemaya Walker, and her 2 year growing journey through school, love, and life period piece, written by Kenneth Suffern, Jr., taking place at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill between the years of 1997 – 1998. Loosely based on true events, and experiences during that time, told through the eyes and voice of the main female protagonist, a freshman first attending the school.