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During pre-work cardio this morning “Victory 2004” entered my playlist, and to hear the lyrics “shootouts for 20 minutes, until we finish,” came on it though it resonated with the events of the weekend, and further thoughts that the author of those lyrics, Christopher Wallace, was a victim of gun violence.

In the aftermath of the violence in Orlando, there is a collective question of “why,” however we live in a country highlighted by the Aurora massacre, and the tragedy in Sandy Hook. The American public is desensitized to the violence that abounds, and this event will be washed over as the others were, especially to those that it does not touch. The NRA will feel again that this is an affront on their constitutional rights, and there will be some new angle to explain away what happened in the early hours of the morning in Orlando, Florida. We will even receive excuses on why we (U.S. Citizens) should be in possession of AR-15s or any assault rifle.

Three weeks ago, my aunt warned me of the shooting violence at a show in New York. And in all honesty, though I presumed that the crowd was not apt to it, I was afraid of potential gun violence, among other fears, (because of what my aunt mentioned) during the Kanye situation as it quickly spiraled out of control. Less for myself, but more because of the person that I have put in my responsibility to protect. I know what that loss of control feels like, though my personal situation never escalated to mirroring the Pulse nightclub massacre.

While I will be cognizant in public, but I am not a part of club culture, and I think pretty reserved, though you never know what the next moment brings. I will be intelligent in my decisions, but I will not hide from the world due to these events. That is not defiance, it is just a fact that you cannot let others actions hold dominion over you.

My heart goes out to the families of the murdered, and I will help in any way that I physically can, however this is the lull between the next shooting. Yesterday, LAPD averted a potential threat during a parade in the city.

AmbivalenceThe manuscript Blue Lines is the fictional coming of age narrative of a young California woman Key Yemaya Walker, and her 2 year growing journey through school, love, and life period piece, written by Kenneth Suffern, Jr., taking place at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill between the years of 1997 – 1998. Loosely based on true events, and experiences during that time, told through the eyes and voice of the main female protagonist, a freshman first attending the school.